"Razors Pain You" by Dorothy Parker

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.


--Dorothy Parker


As a little teenager mini-goth, I tried to read my share of dismal, suicide-obsessed poetry. It never really worked for reasons unclear but for which I am thankful; even when bummed out beyond belief, that was never a fight I had to struggle with. I never related to Sylvia Plath, despite giving it my literature-loving, baby-goth best. It occurs to me that it might have been my ego - I am AWESOME. It was the world that sucked.

It doesn't now, of course, and it didn't really then - it's just hard being a teenager. Anyway, the only suicidal poetry I could ever stand was Dorothy Parker, and that's because I suspect she had the same healthy regard for herself. She had too much to drink and too many men, and she cared more for money than high literary aspirations; she was accidently the 20th century's greatest wit. I LOVE her poetry. Her short stories are too sad and too long - the bitterness overwhelms. But her poetry is just biting enough to be refreshing, and it is deeply, wildly hysterical. Someday - maybe Valentine's Day - I'll post my poetry that I wrote while attempting to channel Dorothy Parker. There are several posts just of favorite quotes of hers.

This, however, is the only one in my planner. I found it in isolation, and I didn't know of the brilliant mind or the treasure trove of other poetry of Dorothy Parker waiting for me. I just LIKE this one - it's so dang funny, like ending it all is something one might do on a Saturday afternoon when it's too hot to go hiking, but not worth doing if it is going to be a bother. Oh, heavens, not even worth it if it is a bother!

I read Dorothy Parker's biography, which was big for me because I generally HATE biographies. The world is too small, and most people's lives are very boring. The accomplishments I really admire tend to be either spiritual or intellectual, and those lives run to the "married my childhood sweetheart and lived in the library and/or church from then on". Not amusing. The only other biography I've read that I enjoyed - outside of kings or world leaders which are really histories of the time/country (Robert Massie's Peter the Great is AMAZING) was Georgina, Duchess of Devonshire. That one, I think, was the writing.