Metamorphoses 3.24

Man accidentally turns into a donkey? That happens a LOT in literature. Even this story wasn't the first - it's a retelling of an older Greek story.

• I didn't translate all that I was supposed to last week because I was preparing for my presentation on Wednesday. However, this paragraph is amazing, and it's worth looking at again.
• My prof brought up in class the question of Photis's motives. I just KNEW her attitude was fishy.
• This is a hilarious passage. I'm not translating everything literally - this is a family blog.
• Since this is done quick and I'm getting better at Apuleius, I'm not making the table like I did for the other passages.

[24] Haec identidem adseverans summa cum trepidatione inrepit cubiculum et pyxidem depromit arcula. Quam ego amplexus ac deosculatus prius utque mihi prosperis faveret volatibus deprecatus abiectis propere laciniis totis avide manus immersi et haurito plusculo uncto corporis mei membra perfricui. Iamque alternis conatibus libratis brachiis in avem similis gestiebam; nec ullae plumulae nec usquam pinnulae, sed plane pili mei crassantur in setas et cutis tenella duratur in corium et in extimis palmulis perdito numero toti digiti coguntur in singulas ungulas et de spinae meae termino grandis cauda procedit. Iam facies enormis et os prolixum et nares hiantes et labiae pendulae; sic et aures inmodicis horripilant auctibus. Nec ullum miserae reformationis video solacium, nisi quod mihi iam nequeunti tenere Photidem natura crescebat.

Declaring these things over and over again she crept into my bedroom fearfully and produced a vial out of a small box. This vial, which was embraced and kissed all over beforehand and which was begged a favor of that it might grant to me happy flights, with all my clothes thrown to the floor, I covered myself eagerly with my hand and I scooped up a large glob of the oil and smeared it on my limbs.

Immediately I was waving my arms like a bird, trying out first one and then the other, swinging; not any little feathers nor any little wings appear, but my own hair, clearly, coarsened into bristles and my tender skin was hardened into the hide of an animal. All the digits on the outermost ends of my hands and my feet were destroyed and combined into one hoof each and from the end of my spine sprouted a full-grown tail. Now my irregular face and mouth  was elongated and my nose was gaping and my lips hanging down, and thus my ears grew hairy with an immoderate increase in size. I saw no solace in my miserable transformation, except my increased stature could be intimidating to Photis.